Working as a therapist with a ministerial background surprises many people. When I tell them, they have a “does not compute” look on their faces. Let me explore how I have come to see how the therapeutic and spiritual journeys mesh together.
Very often clients do not understand how I can help someone integrate their psychological and spiritual journeys. They imagine that the two as incompatible raising the big question of how does one integrate the scientific focus of psychology with the deeper search for meaning? Many therapists have come to believe that one’s spiritual well-being is integral to one’s mental health. And yet, when I say to a client that we can look at your spirituality in counseling, many people shake their heads.
This confusion is not limited to people actively in therapy. Religion and spirituality have seen a shift in the last few decades.
According to Pew Research when asked, about a quarter of U.S. adults (27%) now say they think of themselves as spiritual but not religious. This is up eight percentage points in five years, according to a Pew Research.
In addition to those who say they are spiritual but not religious, 48% say they are both religious and spiritual, while 6% say they are religious but not spiritual. Another 18% answered both questions negatively, saying they were neither religious nor spiritual.
Looked at another way, only 54% of U.S. adults think of themselves as religious – down 11 points since 2012 – while far more (75%) say they are spiritual, a figure that has remained relatively steady in recent years.
This trend makes sense to me because religion has its root in the Latin word “ligare” meaning to bind as in ligaments to the bone. People often experience religion as restricting their freedom.
Can Your Therapist Really Understand Your Spiritual Struggles?
In my experience, people who struggle with religious or spiritual issues but are hesitant to talk about their concerns often feel that way because they assume a therapist would not understand. In one sense, they are right because while many therapists have had training to work with spiritual or religious issues, many still prefer their clients to not bring the topic up in therapy. Concerns ranging from “doing a poor job” to acknowledging their own bias on the matter deter many therapists from feeling “qualified” to do a good job counseling about spiritual or religious concerns.
Because I am an ordained Presbyterian minister (now retired), I continue to find meaning in helping clients explore these issues.
In sessions when asked, clients and I often discover innovative ways to use their faith as a meaningful part of their personal growth journey.
Many people turn to the words of Jesus, who said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10
I enjoy the challenge of encouraging individuals to find pieces of their spiritual heritage that can help direct them to experience depth and fullness in their lives.
Some suggest that spirituality means relating to something larger than themselves.
Rather than the narcissism of self-focus, their religion may invite them to commit to making a difference in the world. Thus, they search for ways to use their faith journey as a springboard for social action. In doing so, they find a sense of meaning and purpose.
Some other clients have experienced religious training as a series of dos and don’ts and find themselves at times oppressed by an over scrupulous conscience.
These clients have internalized an angry, critical superego that shuns them persistently. In my work, I ask clients with this inner monologue to consider if they would turn on their child in this same way? Can they find the loving, compassionate self with which they would nurture their child?
Therapy often involves creating a new dialogue with the self that includes being more of a cheerleader for doing the right thing rather than using a condescending attitude for being such an awful person.
In case you might be concerned, my goal is never to proselytize but rather to help each client find the courage, strength, and hope grounded in their spirituality. We examine which limiting beliefs keep a person from feeling fully alive.
Feeling that you can never live up to the standards of an angry God will leave you depressed. If you wanted to work with your beliefs, therapy can begin to help you discover in scriptures the passages that speak of joyful participation in a commitment to making a difference.
The Connection Between God & Parental Figures
Researchers gave a questionnaire to people in a mental hospital. It asked them to describe their parents in detail. Several months later, they were invited to identify their sense of God. The images were strikingly similar. If someone had grown up with an angry or punitive parent, they would often imagine God to have the same characteristics.
Compassionate parents, on the other hand, left their offspring with an image of a merciful deity.
Fortunately, therapists can help clients make this connection and understand Jesus when he said, “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:11
I often think of a favorite book of my Father’s, Your God Is Too Small. As a minister, he wanted to expand people’s concept of God to include a more compassionate entity of great mercy. Similarly, as a therapist, I yearn to invite people to a greater appreciation that the nature of the universe that includes a powerful sense of forgiveness and love.
Many people find themselves unduly upset when angry, thinking this is not very spiritual. They forget Jesus, who became so upset with the unfair marketers and money changers in the temple that he drove them out with a whip and threw the coins from their tables onto the ground. John 2:15.
How I Can Support Your Questions About Spirituality In Counseling
My goal is not to instill my beliefs in my clients, but instead to help each one to consider the parts of their spiritual understanding that might be keeping them from a robust sense of feeling alive.
Some people fear that as a minister, I might take a moral stance of judgment that would
lead people to feel uncomfortable. Instead, I seek to help people discover how they first came to embrace this point of view.
When clients share this with me, I invite them to see if other parts of their scriptural heritage or tradition point to a more lenient approach. For Christians, that would include wrestling with the meaning of a God to include one who is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
Some clients have shared that doing this work brings them a great relief. Shedding the parts of them that previously sought perfection, and replacing it with a kind of fullness, wholeness, and balance found in the various parts of the self.
I yearn to help seekers find freedom on their spiritual journey. In other words, I want to help them appreciate that their search for meaning and purpose is a part of the divine, working in them towards what in some traditions might be called salvation.
Seeking Help
Deep down, people often come to therapy wondering why bad things happen to good people. They struggle with cancer or the loss of someone they love and wonder if this is a punishment? As we unearth more of their spiritual story, we can look at their past and highlight the truth that tragedy happens to the just, and the unjust.
As you explore spirituality in counseling, my hope is that therapy provides a meaningful place to discern what to do with the hand life has dealt you. Working out the details of what’s behind your pain can help you find courage as you rise above the tragedy and pain in your life. I wish for you the sense of a compassionate presence who seeks to help you discover deeper meaning in your life, joy, and promise.
If you’re at a crossroad in your life and need guidance, I am available to help you in the state of New York. Please reach out, my case load is open, and I have room in my calendar to support you on your journey. Please give me a call at 914-548-8645.
