Now that you have taken this giant leap of faith to seek relationship counseling, how do you get the most for your time and money? Here are some of ways to increase the effectiveness of your therapy.
- Envision the relationship you want to move toward. Know what you want your relationship to feel like when you have completed the counseling. Many couples share with me the following goals:
- Establish better communication
- Fight less and resolve problems better
- Breaking the recurrent patterns that always head south
- Gain confidence that each of you has the other’s back
- Overcome a sense of betrayal
- Develop a better sexual relationship
- Explore ways to shape your future together for meaning and purpose
- Reclaim a deep sense of intimacy and meaning together
- Identify the blocks that keep you from moving in these directions
- Have you been hurt by your partner and withdrawn?
- After some fighting, have you pulled back in order to punish your partner?
- Do you feel highly frustrated that you cannot change your partner
- Do you yearn for things that you feel you cannot ask for?
- Have you come to feel hopeless that the other really wants to understand you
- Expect your relationship therapist to:
- Not to take Sides but show each of you ways to communicate effectively
- To guide you out of repetitive dances that go leave you both frustrated
- To support you in sharing your needs in a way that invites rather than blames
- To point out ways that you come across negatively to your partner
- To offer you exercises between sessions to create different habits
And always in relationship therapy, ask questions. If there is something you don’t understand or you need help with, your therapist is your advocate and ally.
If you’re in New York and looking for trusted guidance for your relationship, please consider calling. I’m happy to offer you a consultation to see if working together would be helpful for you. You can reach me directly at 914-548-8645.
