Premarital counseling scares some people. Don’t worry. You are not suggesting to the other that you don’t want to marry. You may want to feel more secure that you start with the best roadmap for making your relationship work.
Just imagine the difference in your feeling as you walk down the aisle. Let yourself feel in your body the sense of confidence in your posture. As a marriage counselor for several decades, I can help you get started on the right foot in learning the right tools and skills to make their marriage work.
Considering premarriage counseling does not mean you need to cancel the engagement because of the request. Instead, you can head off a few hiccups in your relationship before they become a problem. Most of all, if you do decide to see a marriage counselor like me for premarital support, come in to build a marriage to last a lifetime.
In the disappointing instance where you decide to end your engagement, you will be confident you gave it your best shot. You will now know the reasons the relationship would not have worked out.
Here’s what you should expect:
- A group or series of sessions you will space between now and your wedding date
- An initial “get acquainted” session with me to talk about:
- Your first encounter
- Your first impressions of the other
- What’s unique about the other
- Interests that you share in common
- Discussion about your values – those you share and those you don’t
- How your respective families are reacting to your engagement
- Pertinent detail about your parents’ marriage
- Naming your hopes and dreams for the relationship
- One individual session for each of you with me to talk about any concerns privately
- Including those that you sense but can’t quite articulate yet
- How you can use my support to find ways to invite your partner to understand your feelings and concerns
- Taking one or more premarital questionnaires to identify as a couple:
- Your strengths
- Your possible challenges
- Areas where new tools and skills could enhance your future together
- A plan to discuss with honesty and mutual support the insights gained from our sessions together
- We will identify the number of sessions that you might need to navigate the challenges in front of you
- Clarity and insight into the skills and habits you can develop to make your marriage a true success in the future, including:
- Employing listening skills so that your partner feels you “get him/her.”
- Learning to disagree and resolve conflict without attacking each other
- Develop agreements to grant your partner timeouts if either of you feels flooded or overwhelmed in times of conflict or stress
- Agreeing on making up customs if the above does not happen
- Establishing rituals of:
- Daily checking in
- Setting up your weekly date nights before and after your children arrive
- Spending a monthly overnight away from home
- Affirmation and appreciation of each other
- Keeping a journal of your dreams of the future
- Setting a weekly time to check in to air any concerns, not on date night
- Click for the minimum time needed to make your marriage thrive
- Finally, we’ll have an opportunity to discuss:
- Problems that emerge in your day to day life together
- Ways to deal with typical “in-law issues,” especially in prep for the wedding
- Fears that either of you has
- Your partner’s language for feeling loved
- Sexual issues that may develop over time
- Granting each other alone time
- Infidelity prevention
- Ways to keep the sizzle in your marriage.
Let me promise you that we will have fun and laugh a lot. We may deal with tough topics, but you’ll know that you both came together to create the best marriage possible. Bring your humility, willingness to learn, and openness to seeing new sides to your beloved. You will find ways to build a life of intimacy and trust in the future together.
3 Responses
Thanks for being selfless with the above premaritapremarital counseling ideas.
Thank you for your comment,
Best regards,
Jim Walkup
914 548 8645
dr-jim.com
This is what we need – an insight to make evryeone think