Now that your partner has gotten your attention you’ll need to show good faith by taking action. Express remorse and listen without being defensive.
Do not pretend that you don’t know what she’s talking about. If you can, acknowledge the truth and tell her your plans to end it.
Any trying to hide the facts or pretend that she’s crazy will only make things worse as she discovers more. Each lie now will make it harder for her to trust you later.
Appreciate that this will probably feel to her like it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to her. Come home and let her know you deeply care about the pain and that you want to rebuild the relation,
Just now seeing her in pain will cause you great pain and you will want her to get over it. She can’t. An extramarital affair affects the brain in a traumatic way.
You will find this phase a deeply challenging time to get through. You may have trouble believing that this has caused such profound upset.
Expect a long healing period but begin by doing what you promise. Show up on time. Let her call you to determine your whereabouts and who you are having meetings with. This rebuilds trust.
Ask her to tell you what will help at any given moment. She may not know but let her know that you care.
She will likely feel quite obsessed about the details. Let her know the facts first:
- Who it was with
- Whether it’s over
- How long did it last
- Who knows
- Were you protected
As she asks you many questions, answer up front and honestly even though you fear that she will feel hurt more. The breach of betrayal has happened.
Don’t hesitate to get help. She will need someone to make sense of the developmental process of extramarital affair recovery.
She will want you to drill down to understand why you broke your commitment to be faithful. Your willingness to get at the roots of your disconnect will help. She will want to believe you will not do it again but this builds only over time. you when you way you won’t do it again.
So do the thing you would do at work that made you successful. You would probably bring in a coach. Consult with someone who can help the two of you steer a way out of this painful experience.
Click for: How Will Seeing a Marriage Counselor Help?
Click for other Infidelity Recovery Articles
Jim Walkup, a specialist in infidelity recovery counseling has helped many couples through the shock of an extramarital affair. They remember the infidelity as the worst thing that ever happened, but after rebuilding their relationship, they realized how much deeper their relation could grow. Call for an appointment at 914 548 8645 or email him at jimwalkup@gmail.com
