Now That Your Partner Knows
You feel unbelievably shocked. Even though you may have anticipated that your partner would find out eventually, you did not expect this kind of earthquake. You may feel totally upset that you have hurt your partner so much. Your sense of guilt wreaks havoc with your sleep. You may not eat all day. You may be totally unable to concentrate at work. Your kids may be wondering why your partner is crying so much.
You may realize you still love your partner and You may feel like you have no idea what to do. If your spouse has not automatically kicked you out, ou may assume that she will eventually.
Perhaps your partner sneaked a look at your emails. You are kicking yourself for having left yourself wide open to discovery. If you have been hiding your mobile phone bills, you somehow don’t feel it’s fair that she went into your briefcase. Yet you don’t really have a leg to stand on about the unfairness of her intrusion into your privacy.
If you have confessed to your partner before being found out, this is good. You have managed to head off some of the anger that comes from your partner feeling you might have never confessed as long as you could get away with it.
Your partner may attack you every time you walk into the door. Other spouses simply swallow their pride and try to win you back by being cheery and even sexually aggressive to win you back. This may make you feel even guiltier. Sometimes you might feel that you don’t deserve her trying to work toward reconciliation.
Your confusion may center on your own confusion as to what you want. You may love your spouse deeply and wish that you had not strayed into that relationship with the person at the office. Yet you may still feel quite in love with the affair person. You may not understand how you could love two people at the same time. Often you feel as though you love your spouse, but are simply no longer having those “in love” feelings that you used to feel about your spouse. You may be experiencing those intense hormone-induced joys with your affair partner. You may not want to let go of this sense of life.
Most of all you may feel totally obligated to try to make things work in your marital relationship because of the children. You are extremely aware that if you continue the relationship with the affair partner, you will have to move out, and will only see the kids on week-ends and on vacations. You may think of what it will be like on holidays when you may not see your children. This may feel truly unbearable.
Yet you may feel that you have crossed a bridge and that you can never again feel the excitement that you have felt in the affair. You may dread the sense of having to come back home with your tail between your legs. In fact, you worry that this will give your partner a justifiable right to be angry whenever he thinks of this. Can you believe that you could possibly be forgiven? This may seem like too much to expect.
To go to “Now that Your Partner Knows- Part Two” – Click
Click for More Articles on Extramarital Affair Recovery by Dr. Walkup
Other Resources on the Web
“The Impact of an Extramarital Affair on the Children:” From the New York Times
“Infidelity:” Statement from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
