Was I Crazy to Marry into a Family with Different Traditions?
In a word: “No,” but it helps to understand some of the natural conflicts that may emerge. Let’s face it. You probably were fascinated by some of these wonderful differences of your partner. You may have loved his assertiveness in dealing with doctors when you were afraid to raise a question. You may have felt she was the most wonderfully expressive of her emotions when you had been taught to keep your emotions to yourself and never let anyone see that you were hurt.
We as marriage counselors are sometimes amazed how you might have found your partner. Just think of it. Of all the people whom you have encountered in your life, this is the person that you have chosen to spend your life with. Your parents may have been a little concerned about the difference in backgrounds or culture, but you came to trust your own intuition that this was the person for you.
But a strange thing begins to happen as the relationships develops and deepens; you may have noticed that what totally intrigued you in the past now seems to be a roadblock to the two of you understanding each other. You may have love his family but may never have thought your mother-in-law would expect to have the right to tell you about everything she thinks you are doing wrong as you raise your kids.
Often we choose someone who seems to balance a side of ourselves that we felt was missing. You may have married someone who seemed totally at ease with people and was loved by others. You may have chosen your partner because you felt a little like a social misfit and hoped your partner would introduce you into a world of people that you had previously felt excluded from.
However, to fault yourself for what seems different now can only sabotage your developing love for each other. Most couples come to realize they married someone different from the person that they perceived their partner to be. You may be surprised to realize that this is a normal developmental challenge in any relationship. But it may seem more pronounced when your parents and sisters and brothers do not understand that your partner is living out an entirely different script of what is ?normal? and ?expected.?
Click below for other articles by Dr. Walkup on Cross Cultural Marriage
Was I Crazy to Marry Someone from a Different Culture?
One of the Best Kept Secrets for a Happy Marriage
10 Do’s For Creating a Happy Cross-Cultural Marriage
10 Don’ts for Building a Strong Cross-Cultural Marriage
Cultural Expectations Matter
Getting Your Own Needs Met in a Cross Cultural Marriage
Take a Problem Solving Approach
