Five Steps When Serious Actions Need To Be Taken
Maybe you are torn between selling a home that has been the family vacation spot for generations or selling your own home and moving to a new neighborhood. Perhaps you are struggling with an issue of taking a job that you don’t want and waiting for a job that you will find exciting. Maybe you face the problem of having to take your kids out of a private school situation.
1. Start with reminding yourselves that many others are facing similar problems. Before you get too low, challenge yourselves to acknowledge what you do have. Maybe you don’t have to go as far as looking at the pictures of the starving kids in Africa but at least t realize that you have a roof over your head, food and freedom. which can bring perspective to the enormity of the problem. Gratitude can lead to creativity and keep the two of you from slipping into despair.
2. Don’t let your anxiety force you into making a hasty decision. Take time to let yourselves assess long-term how each of you and the other members of your family will be affected. Put a scale number of one to ten rating on the severity of impact on everyone. Not being able to continue your tennis lessons may rate only a three whereas getting the new printer so that resumes can be done, can be an eight. This helps you compare notes about how important each thing compared to something your partner wants.
3. Seek to distinguish between needs and wants. You may want to continue living in a spacious house in a special neighborhood but when that’s impossible, look for something smaller that has things that each member of the family can look forward to, like being close to a favorite friend, or having a park nearby where the kids can play.
4. Remember you have each other. The old adage that what does not break you can make you strong applies here. Staying in a place of mutual support with each helps you both stay in a creative space to problem solve. Recognize that during the uproar, you still love each other and make up quickly. This is not a time to hold grudges. Making that a priority will help you continue to support each other rather than slipping into being at each other’s throats.
5. As a couple, resolve that you will not let the stress of the economic scene keep you from enjoying good times together. Even if one of you has to take a second job, commit to times that are sacred for just hanging out with each other and having fun.. Put these down in the calendar and if one of you has a conflict, there needs to be a quick conference to reschedule it, preferably within the week. No matter what, you can still enjoy a movie together or take that long walk in the park. Couples who schedule events (including times of intimacy) will be much more resilient as they seek to resolve their problem.
Click below for Other Articles by Dr. Walkup
The Financial Crisis and Your Marriage
Understanding the Difficulties in Talking About Money
Six Tips for Talking About Money
What to Do If You Are Stuck
How to Deal with Having to Take Serious Steps
