Extended Session As A First Step in Affair Recovery
After the revelation that an affair has occurred, as a couple you may feel quite frightened to talk to each other. Understandably the hurt spouse may want to explode with anger and yet worry that this will only drive your partner toward the affair relationship.
The partner who has had the affair, often feels so guilty and yet defensive at the same time. This partner may feel that it’s important to protect the feelings of the spouse by not revealing the details of the affair. This might seem only to cause additional hurt which it many times does.
Couples often stay up all night and try to talk when they are exhausted. Given the stress of the revelation and the frayed nerves, this may not be the best way or time to try to talk through what the issues and to decide what to do.
For this reason, when time is available, an extended session of affair counseling gives couples time to express the hurt and shame in a structured setting that allows them to keep the pace slow enough to hear each other and not get so defensive that interaction becomes impossible.
Such sessions often last from two hours to three hours with a few breaks as we go. As I say, these times are not always available but when time can be scheduled, couples can use the therapists experience to find ways to go through a step by step by process to sort out what to do even for the next few days. Simple tips about what to talk about can be helpful and how to hear each other’s pain without going ballistic can help you make it through this very difficult time and decide what to do.
Click for More Articles on Extramarital Affair Recovery by Dr. Walkup
Other Resources on the Web
“The Impact of an Extramarital Affair on the Children:” From the New York Times
“Infidelity:” Statement from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
