Constructive Ways to Focus Your Discussions
So you have come to recognize some of the pattern tapes that are destructive to your rebuilding the bond between you? What can help you keep your from falling into the alley again.
Couples who approach things with the following focuses, seem to regain positive momentum:
What do you think would work here? This means rather than reviewing the past failures or accusing each of terrible wrongs, you seriously start brainstorm about new ways to focus the problem. Finding new avenues of approach can make all of the difference. This means no one is to blame but you are both seeking a way to reconnect rather than disconnect.
Let me see if I can understand what it’s like to be you. The more your partner feels heard and understood, the less anger and rancor will prevail.
You know, I would love it if we could _____________. The concreteness of this beginning invites your toward something rather than simply going over and over why things are not working.
Could we take a break until to see if something original occurs to either of us.. If your heartbeat is over a 100 beats per minute you will be singularly uncreative in resolving anything. You’re just coming from a fight, flight, or freeze adrenalin rush. Usually this tact only establishes that you can’t communicate. Taking a break gives you both time to focus back on the original suggestion: exploring what would work here.
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