One of the Best Kept Secrets for a Long Marriage
One of the important secrets to a long marriage is to forgive your partner for being different. It’s a similar phenomena to a secret watching your parents in their senior years . To walk with them into their senior years, we have to forgive them for growing old. You may not like it and they might not love it either but life seems to come that way. Accepting this reality can give you much less suffering.
As you face into the cultural differences between you and your partner, you have a choice. You do not have to take your partner’s different expectations personally. For example, you can take the fact that he hates go out a lot as a sign that he doesn’t want to have fun with you and that he has never grown up. But when you notice that his father and uncles spend considerable time with each other, you may feel freer to let go of your upset.
Similarly you may be upset about how your wife dresses provocatively but you may find it easier to enjoy her sensuous nature and feel good about how proud she is of her body.
This does not mean that you have to accept it. But it means changing your perspective. Your partner is not literally doing this to punish you or get your goat. Your partner is simply swimming in the water that feels natural. In fact you probably were drawn to that part of him that loved to have fun with the guys or the part of her that loved to be sexy. Lightening up about your expectations may allow you to communicate in a non-confrontational way. Read more to learn how to do this
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By Dr. Jim Walkup, Marital Therapist in New York City and Westchester
Learning to Communicate Better
Strengthen Your Relationship
Anger Management
How Marriage Counseling Helps
Importance of Contact Time in Your Relationship
Pregnancy: Danger Zone for Your Marriage
Reconciling Cross Cultural or Ethnic Differences
Extramarital Affair Recovery
