Building a Marriage That Expands You
Creates a Relationship That Will Last
In a widely talked about article in the New York Times, Tara Parker-Pope talks about relationships where each partner expands the other. {http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html}. Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University called it the “’Michelangelo effect,’ referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.”
In my experience couples who set aside specific time to name their dreams for the year to each other , build a much more solid bridge between them. The beginning of the New Year offers a great opportunity to sit down together and fantasize about the future. Couples can keep a special journal just to record these thoughts “What can I do to support these goals of yours for the coming year.“ Then, of course, the process is reversed.
Finally couples can set specific goals for things they want to do together as a couple in terms of getting together with friends, planning leisure and vacation activities, exploring the possibility of volunteering together. They may even decide to remodel their house together, or build a savings plan or explore how they want to be better parents together.
Reading these back to each other as you begin the journaling for the next year provides an opportunity to feel proud and laugh about the previous years fantasies.
What better way to feel that you are with and for your partner. In this case, couples who share and support each others dreams stay together.
For over 40 years Dr. Walkup has been helping couples grow through marriage counseling and relationship therapy. He has a practice in New York City and in Bronxville, NY.
