When Your Partner Doesn’t Do What You Have Asked
Do you ever have the feeling that your requests are not always compelling to your beloved? More so than to men, many women find this one of the most frustrating things about being married. Your partner promises to speak to his friend about coming to your party and forgets. You tell him to replace the light bulb in the basement and it doesn’t happen. More importantly, you might get his assurance that he will be at your mother’s birthday on time even though it’s much earlier than his usual home arrival time. Nevertheless he forgets.
On a deeper level, relationships work because you feel like you can depend on your partner. You can count on him to be present when the baby is born. So how do you get your concern across when you want your request to be more compelling?
Well, the first step is to make sure that you have your partner’s full attention. Many couples miss what’s important when the television is on or the he’s glancing at the mail.
Next you need to notice whether you begin with a guilt inducing statement or rather than an expression of what it would mean to you.. Requests beginning with, “I’d love it if….( ex.you give me a hand with cleaning the basement) are more likely to gain cooperation. This is much better than “You never seem to do anything I ask you to.”
Focus on letting him know the feeling behind the request. If you ask him to plan a time for vacation because you want to get closer, you have a much better chance to be heard, than if you say, “Why do you work all of the time and never let us take a vacation?”
Sometimes, if you know that he will resist rising to the occasion, you may give him a timeline and suggest something you will pick up on if he doesn’t have time to get it. He may have been planning to paint the bathroom for a year, but if he agrees that you can call the painter if it’s not done by the end of the month, he will probably finish the job.
Talking about what he needs to follow through, can be helpful. Saying, “I know this is not A-1 on your priority list, but can I do anything that would be an incentive?” often works. If this still doesn’t work, you need to have a heart to heart about whether he really is willing to do it and what does this say about your relationship if it’s very important to you. Telling him that you are want to be higher on his priority list j can lead to a very meaningful exploration of where you are as a couple. I hope he hears you with these aids in mind he will pick up the ball and run with you.
One Response
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