When couples arrive on my doorstep for couples counseling in Midtown Manhattan or in White Plains, NY, a wife sometimes surprises me by saying, “He’s been trying to get me into marriage counseling for years and I refused. I just didn’t think we needed it.”
Usually, it’s women who want to get their husbands to read all those books. In addition, they walk away with the erroneous assumption that men can’t do feelings.
So if your husband has challenged you, you may feel tempted to get defensive. Also, you may anticipate that some of your problems will come to light. On top of that, you may fear that counseling will only make things worse.
Find a counselor whom both of you can trust not to take sides. Do not settle for a therapist who sits and lets you fight and get nowhere.
Instead, find a person who actively intervenes in your interactions to give you tools. You may need help to slow and truly hear each other. Get a referral to someone who helps you have fun together, who enables you to remember why you fell in love and what you can offer to the world as a team.
Let this be a warning to you — Men don’t usually want to darken the door of counseling. If he’s requesting it, believe in his sincerity. He’s serious. Don’t blow him off.
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