Not a Teachable Moment
Let’s face it. Telling your partner that there’s something terribly wrong with their character (as in :You never have loved me!) is not the best time to help him understand what he has done to hurt you. Most people even if they have a gift for tolerance will tend to say something like, “Well what makes you think you have been so loving all of this time?”
So in order for things not to go down hill from there, you’ll do best to recognize that you both are too tired to make any sense. Assume one or both of you is stressed, flooded or whatever. Just move toward moving out of each others magnetic field as soon as possible.
This will not be a teachable moment. You will not be able to move into showing your partner the error of her ways. Accept that. It will not happen in the next twenty minutes. So how do you salvage relationship? Cool off, get some sleep, ground yourself, realize that it’s not true that your partner never loved you. When you both have come down, pick up the important issues that relates to the hurt, disappointment, or yearning. See if the two of you can talk now without hitting each others hot buttons.
If you can, congratulate yourself and celebrate. You have avoided a donnybrook and by passed saying some devastating things if the two of you had continued. If you can’t avoid each others hot buttons bring the issue to some couple counseling. A good marriage counselor can help you break down the conflict, so that you can reveal in a compelling way to your partner what is hurting you.
This way, your partner is much more likely to hear what you are saying and to learn from the experience. You may even learn about the ways that you have unconsciously been pushing your partner away as well. Remember, developing the tools and skills to postpone solving a conflict and sharing rather than blasting will help you build a relationship for a life time.
