Perhaps, the two of you simply can not communicate or you have just had a useless fight. You may have even thought of divorce. Yet you know you don’t really want that.
Maybe one of you has a job requiring travel or late hours. The time left, goes to your kids. In the middle of the night, you realize you are losing each other. At times of crisis, you wonder if he/she will be there. You know something has to change.
I am so glad you have found this web site. Let this be your 911 resource for your crisis. Something has to change and I want to help you. I bring 40 years of experience in helping couples just like you. I can help you regain that “in love feeling”
Consider setting up an appointment today before the pain gets worse at 914 548 8645.
You’re watching a movie and there’s mention of someone having an extramarital affair. Suddenly you find yourself replaying all of the fantasies and feelings that you had when you learned about the details of your partner’s affair. You are not just watching a movie but all of the body sensations and anger and hurt race through your body and mind.
What you are experiencing is a flashback. After 9/11, people would become afraid just looking at beautiful blues skies because that’s what their body remembers seeing right before the planes decimated the world trade center. Your are having a PTSD like experience.
Others who have not been through a serious trauma will not appreciate your feelings olf vulnerability and defensive anger. Your partner feel blown away by the amount of hurt that this flashback has triggered. He or she may seek to urge you to move on out of these feelings which will seem like a totally unreasonable demand.
To read more about flashbacks click: Coping with Flashbacks by Matthew Tull
See Dr. Walkup’s quotes in New Yorker Magazine: http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2013/07/22/130722ta_talk_widdicombe
He was asked to explore the ways in which feelings of a spouse discovering cheating or infidelity by a spouse, might be similar to feelings of voters who might be disappointment by the conduct of some of our politicians such as Elliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner.
Do you feel like you never get time to catch up with each other? Do find yourselves getting lost on the computer, the IPhone, or just going to bed at different times?
I probably don’t need to tell you, that you may be headed for disaster in your relationship. Couples who have disconnected begin to develop fantasies about the other. She doesn’t really care about me anymore. He is more enthralled with his IPad than he is with me.
Soon one or both of you will be vulnerable to an affair. Distance in your relationship makes reaching out to another very seductive. Don’t let yourselves assume that there’s no times because of the kids. Your children need parents who are in love with each other. (Click for “When distance seems like the norm”)
Post by Jim Walkup