If You’re Shy About Calling For An Appointment
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” -An Indian Saying
Couple counseling scares many people. You may believe marriages are made in heaven but feel like you are living some place else. Still you may hesitate to seek help. Relationship problems may symbolize that you have failed a test. So you may be embarrassed to make an appointment.
Do remember that making relationships work requires learnable tools and skills. If you have not been relating with them you may feel very pessimistic about the possibilities of staying together. Your relationship may feel pretty stagnant or hopeless.
But you do not know how you would feel about each other if you had been using the tools and skills for a period of time. You might miss much of the joy possible in your life together. Using the new resources for growing together may give you new excitement about your personal connection with each other.
Research by John Gottman indicates that couples wait six to seven years between the time they recognize the problem and actually seek help. Early counseling can often keep the hurts and disappointments from hardening into permanent scar tissue. Waiting too long sometimes results in one or both partners giving up rebuilding the relationship.
I feel sad when a couple come in after many years of barely tolerating each other. Sometimes they are putting in a last ditch effort because of the children. At other times they show up because otherwise if they separated and had not tried counseling they would feel guilty. Sometimes I feel like the partners are asking me to pronounce a benediction on the divorce because they have little hope that they can change.
So here’s the good news: many relations can be turned around even at the last moment. Sometimes as a couple stares at the abyss of moving apart, they feel motivated to initiate some counseling to find a new life together.
Part of my commitment to creating this website arose because I had the sense that the earlier couples began the process, the easier they find themselves growing towards a fulfilling time together.
If you are finding yourself wondering whether to set up a time for couple counseling, pause, and catch up with your feelings about how the two of you are coping. If you have a sense that the two of you are experiencing a temporary interruption of an otherwise good relationship, you may want to wait. However if you despair of communicating and resolving some of your conflicts, consider putting in a call. This step may save your relationship for a lifetime of meaning and fun together.
