What’s Happening in the World Today
After watching the news, encountering weather conditions, or dealing with life’s challenges, many people come to therapy shaking their heads. They ask, “How do I stay grounded and at peace in such realities? “
Our president decided to go to war, which has been going on for many weeks and has cost us about $1 billion a day.
Some of us are worried about loved ones who are unemployed.
There’s a flu bug going around that’s leaving people weak for a month or more.
Some are moving toward retirement, and it’s not as clear what the meaning and purpose of our lives are in these times.
Staying Grounded
So, I’d want to reflect on how you stay grounded in the midst of troubled times.
What are some of the tips and tools that enable us to divert our attention from being pulled toward all of the catastrophes described on the evening news?
I want to focus on some of the emerging psychological research that might be helpful with this dilemma.
First, let me suggest that you become awake and aware.
Following a half hour of trouble times of the newscast, you may feel tempted by the words of the old song “Come on baby, let your mind roll on” and focus on how terrible things are about to become.
It’s challenging not to slip into thinking that times have never been this bad before.
Although historians will remind us that many times events have been much worse.
Breathing
So, what’s the first step of breaking out of this mindset of pessimistic thinking?
Do you know that if you breathe in for a count of four and breathe out more slowly for a count of eight, you will begin to feel different?
Somehow, your brain gets a message: “Oh, somebody’s in charge here “
You see, you may be experiencing what I like to call an “amygdala hijack.”
When stress happens, the rational thinking part of our brain, i.e., the neocortex, goes off-line and we see things in black and white.
This may be familiar to you if you’ve ever gotten into an argument with somebody you love. You may have gotten the impression that you were being accused of doing something wrong or had not been given the recognition you felt you deserved.
So, what happens when you breathe out slowly for eight after breathing in for four? Your brain recognizes that you’re in charge now and that you don’t have to disprove how bad you are.
Of course, all of us know that this is easier said than done. I wish I could say it never happens to me.
Words of Mr. Roger
I love the story of Mr. Rogers appearing before Congress when they were about to withhold a much-needed grant for PBS and for his show.
He was dealing with a crotchety congressman named Sen John Pastore. Since Mr. Rogers felt like he was not quite getting through the way he needed to, he requested permission to tell the congressman about a song.
He had written it after talking to a boy who had asked him a question about what you do with the anger you feel.
You can imagine Mr. Rogers in his caring voice sharing the song he wrote:
“What do you do with the anger you feel, when you feel so angry you can bite?”
Do you punch a bag? Do you take a run?”
He goes on to suggest a bunch of things and then says, “Isn’t it wonderful that you can stop, stop, stop.”
This is what happens when you remember to pause, take a breath, and breathe out slowly for that count of eight. You realize you can stop.
Changing Your Focus
Of course, you need to decide to switch the direction of your thinking.
Research indicates that if you wake up and think of three things that you’re grateful for, your whole day will have a different positive flavor.
If you grew up in the Bible Belt, you may remember the old hymn: “Count your many blessings, count them one by one.” Good advice! Gratitude serves as a great antidote to depression.
Take a walk, and when you do, let me encourage you to put on your wonder glasses. Notice the Blue Irises starting to bloom. Or let yourself take in the beautiful hue of the sky. You may pick up here a theme of my favorite color.
What may happen if you are showing up for this moment is that you may have a sense of awe. Don’t just comment to yourself, “Oh, that’s beautiful.”
Instead, let yourself feel blown away. If you have stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon. You have had such a feeling. I remember that when I first heard the Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah; the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. That’s dropping down to feel awe.
You see, such moments take us out of ourselves, and we have a deeper feeling of something beyond ourselves.
Spirituality as a Healer
My sister gave me a book entitled: THE AWAKENED BRAIN by Lisa Miller. I was fascinated that it was written by a medical researcher teaching at Columbia University. She discovered a part of the brain that seems to be strengthened in those individuals who engage in positive forms of spirituality.
She focused on anything that helps you move beyond yourself. She also highlighted a concept that she called synchronicity.
Synchronicity is the surprise you feel when certain things happen at the same time that you would not expect to be coordinated. You’re thinking of someone, and they call you on the telephone. You’re wondering about a question, and something appears in the book that you’re reading that makes it make sense.
Lisa Miller suggests that people who grow spirituality strengthen the part of the brain that notices these moments. The amazing thing about that part of the brain being nourished is that it buffers individuals against depression and anxiety.
All parents need to be particularly aware of the importance of helping their kids increase the spiritual side of their brain to help them with everyday discouraging thoughts that sometimes become suicidal.
Social Action.
One final thing I want to mention about something that breaks the spell of your mind rolling on into disasters centers around action steps of making a difference in the lives of others. Many people have talked about the meaning they have found through working in a soup kitchen.
Helping groups that find shelter for the homeless, supporting migrants coming into our country, tutoring students having difficulty in school- any of these can serve a function of taking you beyond a space of doom and gloom.
One researcher has suggested that when people lose a sense of meaning and purpose, they tend to turn to a lot of doom-scrolling on the Internet or losing themselves in front of various screens. Yet something changes us when somebody says, “I need you.”
When you find yourself giving to somebody who truly has asked for your support, you’ll break out of that self-focus. You will feel like I am a person who can make a difference. I have a purpose. I am somebody.
Call to Action
So, I invite you to disconnect from some of those newscast disasters, to turn your attention to things that you’re grateful for, to be awed by the beauties in nature, and to continue to develop your moments of looking for what takes you beyond yourself, especially in acts of social action.
Jim Walkup, a licensed marriage counselor, offers Zoom sessions to adults in the state of New York who want to break out of old destructive patterns and find a sense of meaning and purpose. Feel free to call him for a free 20-minute session to see if the chemistry feels right to set up a first session at 914 548 8645. You can find out more about him on his website: Dr-Jim
