What You’ll Find Out in Premarital Counseling

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Thinking of Getting Married

If you’re thinking about premarital counseling, don’t worry.  You are not say8ing that you don’t want to marry.  You just want to feel more secure that you are starting off with the best road map for making your relationship work if you can get on the same page before walking down the aisle.  As a marriage counselor for several decades, I can help you get started on the right foot.

Don’t assume that you need to cancel the engagement, (though some couples do call at that point) because of the request. Rather know that you want to head off a few hiccups in your relationship before they become a problem.  Most of all if you do decide to see a marriage counselor like me for premarital support, come in with the goal of building a marriage to last a lifetime.

Here’s what you should expect:

  1. A group or series of sessions that’s spaced between now and your wedding date
  2. An initial “get acquainted” session with me to talk about:
    • Your first encounter
    • Your first impressions of the other
    • What’s special about the other
    • Interests that you share in common
    • Discussion about your values – those you share and those you don’t
    • How your respective families are reacting to your engagement
    • Pertinent detail about your parents’ marriage
    • Naming your hopes and dreams for the relationship
  3. One individual session for each of you with me to talk about any concerns privately
    • Including those that you sense but can’t quite articulate yet
    • How you can use my support to find ways to invite your partner to understand your feelings and concerns
  4. Taking one or more premarital questionnaires to identify as a couple:
    • Your strengths
    • Your possible challenges
    • Areas where new tools and skills could enhance your future together
  5. A plan for helping you discuss with candor and mutual support the insights gained over our sessions together
    • We will identifying the number sessions that you might need to navigate the challenges in front of you
    • Clarity and insight about the skills and habits you can develop to make your marriage a true success in the future, including:
      1. Employing listening skills so that your partner feels you “get him/her”
      2. Learning to disagree and resolve conflict without attacking each other
      3. Develop agreements to grant the other time outs if either of you feels flooded or overwhelmed in times of conflict or stress
      4. Agreeing on making up customs if the above does not happen
  6. Establishing rituals of:
    • Daily checking in
    • Setting up your weekly date nights before and after your children arrive
    • Spending a monthly overnight away from home
    • Affirmation and appreciation of each other
    • Keeping a journal of your dreams of the future
    • Setting a weekly time to check in to air any concerns, not on date night
  7. Finally, we’ll have an opportunity to discuss:
    • Problems that emerge in your day to day life together
    • Ways to deal with normal “in-law issues” especially in prep for wedding
    • Fears that either of you have
    • Your partner’s language for feeling loved
    • Sexual issues that may develop over time
    • Granting each other alone time
    • Infidelity prevention
    • Ways to keep the sizzle in your marriage.

Let me promise you that we will have fun and laugh a lot.  We may deal with tough topics but you’ll know that you both came together to create the best marriage possible.  Bring your humility, willingness to learn and openness to seeing new sides to your beloved.  You will find  ways to build a life of intimacy and trust in the future together.

To set up session, call or text me on my cell phone at 914-548-8645 or use email for a free 15 minute consultation to discuss how premarital counseling can help your relationship at jimwalkup@gmail.com.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous on April 24, 2016 at 12:47 am said:

    Thanks for being selfless with the above premaritapremarital counseling ideas.

  2. This is what we need – an insight to make evryeone think

  3. Doctor Jim on June 12, 2016 at 1:38 pm said:

    Thank you for your comment,
    Best regards,
    Jim Walkup
    914 548 8645
    dr-jim.com

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Mid Manhattan Marriage Counseling