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ADD 2017-09-06T09:51:45+00:00

Don’t Let ADD Sabotage Your Marriage: Assets and Challenges

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If one or both of you has Attention Deficit Disorder, you may find yourselves experiencing a higher level of frustration than your friends in their marriage.  An understanding of the dynamics of the wiring of someone whose brain struggles with attention issues will help you give each other more slack.

First of all do not forget the powerful assets of having ADD though they may seem at first to be deficits.

1.     Never let it be said that you cannot focus if you have ADD.  In fact you often can zero in and drill down on a subject that interests you to the exclusion anything else happening around you.  If you’re the spouse married to someone wired with ADD wiring, you may notice that you can walk in the room in your sexiest negligee and not even be noticed.

As an Adder, you can easily focus on what interests you, but you will find yourself exerting much more energy than most when the topic of conversation or study does not ring your chimes. So when you’re asked by your spouse to do chores, you may not have challenged yourself to follow closely enough to remember everything.

2.     You often can make decisions very quickly.  Because you may get bored quickly, you can often tell when you have gotten enough information to make a discerning plan.  Others around you may need to gather more data but you can sometimes not waste time because you are pretty quick to see what needs to be done and want to move on.

3.     Your restlessness means that you turn easily to what’s exciting or alive.  You may find yourself being the life of the party simply because your fast mind and quick repartee invites others to enjoy keeping up with you. Your spouse may have married you simply knowing that life was never going to be dull.

4.     Your disorganization may save you time.  While others may feel uncomfortable with the chaos on your desk, if you know where things are, you may find yourself spending more time on getting things done rather than constantly straightening things to keep a clean niche.

However, your partner may still be upset that you often:

  1. Interrupt the conversation
  2. Do not understand what your partner wants you to get
  3. Feel that when you forget things that you don’t care
  4. Sense that your mind wanders a lot when important things need to be talked about.
  5. Be upset that you keep losing your keys or other things
  6. Hate being the parent who has to pick up on all of the details

So if you have ever wondered if you have ADD or people have suggested the possibility to you, check it out.  A good clinician will often help you identify if this issue is plaguing your marriage.  Just understanding the ins and outs of Add can make a huge impact on both of you evaluating the other’s care and love.  A medication may be suggested. Your partner can give interpret things that you do differently and share caringly what is crazy making.  You in turn can spend your energy on what matters and what counts so that your love never gets eclipsed by the way the computer of your mind works.