As you enter the holiday season, do you fear losing touch with your best beloved amidst the craziness. Let me suggest reasons why you need to do one thing in order not to lose ground but rather to feel connected. This article will help you experience each other differently and grow your marriage to last a lifetime.
Let me suggest a word of caution. The expression of gratitude may catch your partner off guard, especially if you have not been doing it lately. She might say, “Did he just say what I thought he said?”
However, failure to do so will spoil other efforts to make your dear one feel special. Let me list for you five reasons why you need to hype up your expressed sense of spousal appreciation.
- The Problem With Criticism
Like it or not, gratitude’s opposite, i.e. criticism, can act as sulfuric acid to your relationship. If your intimate other feels overdosed by your negative feedback, his mind will replay the previous week’s video clips even before he walks in the door. He will expect more disappointment from you about how he has let you down this time.
You do not want him to carry this impression when he leaves the house, when he eats dinner or when you crawl into to bed with you. Though you may convince yourself that you are reminding him of the error of his ways for his own good, watch out. Your aura of negativity will echo in his mind even when you have gone to work.
- What Gratitude Does For Your Partner
Gratitude changes your partner’s sense of what you feel about her. Do you remember the gestalt picture in the psychology book? You could look at it one way and see a beautiful young woman. Glancing at it again, you could see a grandmother figure.
You remember you could not see the two pictures at the same time. You could only visualize the damsel or the mature older woman.
How your partner feels you experience her draws from your moment-to-moment encounters. The more your feedback highlights your positive regard for her, the more she will walk into the room feeling valued by you. Telling her how much you admire the way she handled the project at her work, will give her a glow that will carry though the week. Not doing so may drive her into the arms of a more affirming Lothario.
- How Appreciation Changes Your Vision Of Your Spouse
Conversely, for you, the more you emphasize what you enjoy about your partner, the more you will feel your own gestalt picture of him changing. It will not only alter your partner’s good feelings about you, but yours about him.
You cannot notice how well he plays with the kids and think he tops the list for the worst person in the world. If you let your see the care he puts into preparing a speech, you cannot keep seeing him uninvolved.
- Seeing What You Have Not Seen
Gratitude helps you notice stuff you may have been overlooking. It opens the door to your being surprised that your partner just wants to watch sports all of the time. Let yourself recall the times he has sat down and listen to you. Your negative attitude may cloud your registering this side of him.
By searching for things positive, you increase the likelihood that you will realize how much thought he has given your birthday. This will change your whole picture of him. You will no longer feel like a victim you believed he just didn’t care.
- Action Step for Communicating This
Look at her in the eye and tell her how much her act of inviting your favorite friends over for your job promotion celebration means to you. Your heartfelt connection around her going an extra mile will build a bridge between you of affection and affirmation.
Sealing it with a quick hug helps the two of you drop down and savor the joy and wonder of having a loving partner in your life. That pause increases your taking it in as a reality that you each have something beautiful going between you. For these reasons the expression of gratitude enhances your relationship beyond measure.