Time the Bare Minimum for a Relationship (Cont)

Beyond the hellos, goodbyes, and catch-ups about the day, make sure you have clearly made four separate commitments of time to each other. In the first period, you need to synchronize each otherxs schedule. Nothing becomes more exasperating to busy couples than to realize that they have created schedules that wonxt work where they will miss each other completely. It happens but less so, when you do review what each of you has ahead.

Secondly, couples need time to plan for resolving conflicts. You will find a strong commitment to win-win solutions becomes rewarding. Of course this can only happen when you are not totally stressed out. Scheduling a time for conflict resolution and honoring the time will keep you optimistic about the relationship. Obviously you will not find all conflicts resolvable. But you can set the goal for each of you to feel that the other hears xwhat itxs like to be you.x When you do that, you will at least feel like youxre not alone with your feelings.

Thirdly, you will want to schedule a weekly time for just playing together, not with the children, not in front of the TV, but just time to get down with each other in a pleasurable way. Do not discount the immeasurable value of a Saturday night out. You may spend part of the time at a movie but share your thoughts with each other over coffee. Make this time sacred. Perhaps some couples will need to make it a movable feast, but if it canxt be on a regular night for some reason, be sure that the time gets rescheduled for that week. When you find yourself missing this time together over a couple times, consider that you need to change something about the system.

Try when you can to turn off the lights and go to sleep at the same time. This may be impossible much of the time, but set the goal retire on each other’s schedule. This helps you feel that you are a more in sync

Finally letxs hope that this time leads to the closeness of intimacy and sexual pleasure. Couples need to schedule times for cuddling and just being close which can lead to erotic pleasure but can be fun in and of itself. By the way you may need to look at your calendars to schedule your intimate times. If you donxt feel energetic enough to take a vigorous walk, you may be too tired to play. When you meet each other in bed only at the end of long exhausting days, your sex life will suffer.

Several times a year, set aside time to share your goals and dreams with each other. Keep a couple journal for just this purpose. Find time to go this over a glass of wine or in a beautiful natural setting. Let one of you write, while the other talks out loud about what an ideal future would look like. Share your goals and dreams and aspirations. Drawing up a mission statement can serve as a backdrop for your brainstorms. You may even decide to make concrete plans “to do what by when.” This business practice can increase your satisfaction with your identity as a couple. Next time you will enjoy reading back to see what you wrote and laugh about what ‘s changed in your thinking and celebrate your accomplishments.

If you take your relationship seriously enough to pack in this MRTR time, you will reap the rewards of feeling close and connected. Try it.