THE HEART OF RELATIONSHIPS: BEING THERE FOR THE OTHER

Perhaps, the two of you simply can not communicate or you have just had a useless fight. You may have even thought of divorce. Yet you know you don’t really want that.

Maybe one of you has a job requiring travel or late hours. The time left, goes to your kids. In the middle of the night, you realize you are losing each other. At times of crisis, you wonder if he/she will be there. You know something has to change.

I am so glad you have found this web site. Let this be your 911 resource for your crisis. Something has to change and I want to help you. I bring 40 years of experience in helping couples just like you. I can help you regain that “in love feeling”

Consider setting up an appointment today before the pain gets worse at 914 548 8645.


Love the One You Love

Be alert: jobs, children, sickness or problems with other family members can be hazardous to your marriage or relationship.  Catch the early warning signs.

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If you are concerned about your relationship with your beloved, trust it. Couples often wait up to six years before they seek help even though they have begun to feel distant from each other.

Don’t be a part of this statistic.  By then your pain may have hardened into scar tissue.  Then even your marriage counselor may have trouble bringing you back together.

Most couples will tell me that after they had their children…

Click for More about Loving the One You Love

7 Feelings of Husband Who’s Had an Affair

After you have confronted him about the cheating, you may wonder what he is feeling.  Since he has betrayed your trust in such a painful way, you may find it hard to believe anything he is saying.

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As someone who specializes in extramarital affair recovery, I want to tell you what I have heard many men say.  Since I have heard it repeated so often, I have come to believe these truly represent what many of them are feeling.

1. He had hoped that you would never find out.

This may not be as hard to believe as the others though some men have not even covered up their tracks very well.   Yet at least as men enter these relationships, they tend to assume that they can keep it under cover and not hurt you.

2. He wants you to believe he didn’t intended for things to get out of hand.

Many times these relationships move from a casual work experience together to a friendship over lunch to a much deeper kind of sharing.  At the beginning, this truly may not have been part of his plan.

Many men do not imagine that you will experience this as an affair.  Only when it becomes sexual do they recognize they have crossed the line.

At the same time marriage counselors tend to agree that most women are pained by the intimate sharing than men will recognize.  For them, the openness especially if there is talk about how the marriage is not working, represents a betrayal of what they thought of what you felt should be “between us.”

3.  He can’t believe that he has done this to you.

You may be totally surprised that this person whose values you have trusted could have such a breach of character. For many men as well they wake up out of the trance state of the “in love” relationship and can’t believe they have gone against their own values in this way.  Not are their friends surprised but so will be your man.

For more feelings he may be having after an extramarital affair:  click 

Flashbacks-Recall & Reliving of Memories Related to Infidelity

Partner's upset after extramatital affair revealed You’re watching a movie and there’s mention of someone having an extramarital affair.  Suddenly you find yourself replaying all of the fantasies and feelings that you had when you learned about the details of your partner’s affair.

Your heart begins to race.  You may feel a tightness in your chest or gut wrenching pain in your stomach.  All of the body sensations and anger and hurt race through your body and mind.

You realize that you are reliving the horrendous emotions that swept through your body when you learned that your partner had been cheating

Let me emphasize here that you are not just remembering.  Instead you are almost picked up out of the present moment and moved back into that first moment as the bottom dropped out of your sense of reality.

What you are experiencing is a flashback.  After 9/11, people would become afraid just looking at beautiful blues skies because that’s what their body remembers seeing right before the planes decimated the world trade center.

You are having an like experience that registers in the brain like the Post-traumatic experience similar to a soldier wakes from a dream of his buddies being killed in a war.of a soldier who’s gone though an attack.

Others who have not been through a serious trauma will struggle to appreciate your feelings of  vulnerability and defensive anger.

Your partner will feel staggered by the amount of hurt that this flashback has triggered.  He or she  may urge you to move on out of these feelings.  He may demand, now that he has expressed remorse, that you to just get over it.

Even though couples do find the strength and courage to overcome the pain, it may take as much as two years.

Research reports that 80% of the couples who stick with the support of relationship counseling do build a new marriage.  They often are amazed at the increase of meaning and joy that comes from their new relationship.

Seek help as early as possible to get the tools and skills to make this less painful.  You don’t need to reinvent the wheel in order to understand the dynamics.  Learn as quickly as possible what works.

To read more about the healing from the challenges of infidelity click.

To set up an appointment with a seasoned infidelity recovery specialist, call Dr. Jim Walkup at 914 548 8645 in NYC or Bronxville. 

 

To read more about flashbacks click: Coping with Flashbacks by Matthew Tull

How To Keep the Sizzle in Your Love Life

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Have you lost some of the sensuous feelings you had when you first got married?  Do you sometimes forget that you are attracted to the one you love?

Over time the familiarity does not perpetuate intense erotic desire.  Having children often leads to less intimacy between couples.

If you sense a growing distance between you, click for more