Five Magic Phrases to Help Your Relationship Work

1. “I would love it if ….“ Not surprisingly, this phrase works so much better than “Why don’T. you ever.” A simple request begun with this phrase allows your partner to please you rather than leading him to feeling criticized.

2. “I was just remembering how much I enjoyed the time when you….” Pausing to remember when your partner did something right affirms your bond and affection.

3. “May I share what it is like to be me” This works when you want to talk about something that you don’T. like. Initiating this discussion invites your partner to tell you if this is a good time or not. Then you can describe and action and name what you imagined and describe how you began to feel. This approach kicks up the least amount of defensiveness.

4. “Let me see if I have got you.” Many times your partner will not believe it if you say, “I understand.” Only when you take time to use this question, and then summarize almost in the exact words what you have heard, will your partner feel heard and understood.

5. “I can understand how you might feel that way because I know….” Here you can bring to mind your understanding of why this means what it does to the partner. This is the time to express an awareness of your partner’S. values or past that makes this feeling more intense. You partner will sense your appreciation of her deeper emotions.